Nike Reveals New KD V; Keeps Fingers Crossed On Impending Homicides

Nike Reveals New KD V; Keeps Fingers Crossed On Impending Homicides

C'mon, You know you want me

Nike today revealed Kevin Durant's fifth signature shoe, the aforementioned "KD V". Executives out of Nike headquarters in Oregon are hoping that the first robbery related homicide follows quickly.

"Without an inner city death attributed to these shoes, suburban kids won't want to buy them, and that's really our target market." An unnamed executive of the high end sneaker brand commented. "We want the young people to feel dangerous when wearing our products, even if it's just to walk around the mall, actually, it will be just to walk around the mall, it's a huge selling point for our shoes."

"After the first young, probably black, kid is shot dead for his KD V's, we'll know this shoe has arrived."

The unnamed executive had this to say about the future robbery victims "The ironic thing is, the KD V has been shown in test to actually hinder/slow down a person when running across concrete or cement." 

Nike shareholders are due their upcoming 3rd quarter dividend this month.