Ten Simple Rules For Watching Football

Ten Simple Rules For Watching Football

       Every Weekend between September and January, there is a new round of football games

played in this great nation. From the NFL to local flag football, kids and adults plop down to 

watch this great game. And every week, there is a new round of belly aching from fans who should be used to the ups and downs of a football season by now.  So, I have compiled a simple list of thing that WILL HAPPEN IN EVERY FOOTBALL GAME. Take this list with you to your next game and save yourself from a aneurysm.

1. A Receiver Will Drop A Pass. 

Seriously, wide open, with no one around him, he'll drop a sure fire touchdown. You will see this and count it as a phantom touchdown, and, for the rest of the season, you'll bring it up as what would have been the difference maker in a close game. Let. It. Go.

2. The Referee Will Make A Bad Call

Holy cow, did you just see that? Roughing the passer? He barely brushed against him and the QB just falls over, that's fucking bullshit. And it is fucking bullshit, to everyone except for the one person who has the power to throw a flag. Move on.

3. The Referee Will Miss An Obvious Call.

Ok, so this guy calls roughing the QB when he barely gets touched, but our receiver gets tackled, while the balls in the air, and that's not a penalty? Only to the guy in black and white. 

4. The Defender Will Signal Every Pass Incomplete

I don't know why defensive backs think swinging their arms from side to side in front of themselves is magic. It was a catch dude, you got burned.

5. A Receiver Will Be Credited With a Catch He Didn't Make

Call the Academy, 'cause this guy deserves an award. scooped up that ball on a single hop and did his best to show possesion. God damn refs. (see rule 3 or 2)

6. The Punter Will Fall Over If A Defender Farts In His General Direction

um, punter guy, that was a nice pirouette, but nobody came within ten miles of....oh, here comes the flag. Nice job, 15 yards and a 1st down.

7. Your Teams Headcoach Will Call Run Up The Middle 15 Times In A Row

This didn't work the last 5 times, let's just run it 10 more times to prove that it's not a fluke.

8. The Defense Will Draw The Offense Offsides And Won't Be Flagged For It

I'm positive now that the referee's work for the opposing teams booster club.

9. A Game-Changing Touchdown Will Be Called Back

Ok, this is ridiculous now, HE CLEARLY CROSSED THE PYLON BEFORE LOSING CONTROL OF THE FOOTBALL, THAT WAS A TOUCHDOWN! 

(I can't breathe, I can't breathe)

10. The Guy That Hits Back Will Get The Personal Foul Called On Him

I'm done. He just got pancaked 30 seconds after the play was called dead, but he shoves the guy back and he gets called for unnecessary roughness? I'm burning my house down and moving to Canada.